Have you ever been asked to give up your client list, promote someone else’s product in your email newsletter, or introduce the latest strategy to those you come in contact with? Of course, no one would outwardly ask for these things – especially in the name of good networking, right? The truth is, I get asked for these things from networking contacts almost every day.  And I have to say no.

Since when did “networking” turn into convincing another person to sell your wares? It’s not even disguised well as networking. In the book The Connectors, I wrote about the research done relating to what makes a profitable, long-term connection. And it certainly is not by making the relationship about you. It is through 1) Giving and 2) Facilitating a win-win business relationship. And both are critically important.

Have you tried to set up a strategic alliance with another professional? Was it all about you giving them referrals and business, or the other way around? Facilitating the expectations needs to be done in order to start a relationship that will be equally profitable. It is often the missing link. We have learned that the best way to begin is to have an agreement of how you will work together before you start referring or vice-versa. Agree also to continue the conversation as to how you are working together periodically (consider monthly). These regular conversations will clearly highlight whether it is a two-way street. And don’t forget to include in your initial discussions how you will part ways if it is not working the way it was intended. The key is to get serious about committing to a business relationship that works.

Networking is not selling. Networking is about connecting, giving, communicating and getting (and sometimes not in that order).